Danger danger-high voltage!

Have you ever tried watching a drugged out, profanity and sex filled movie like "Another Day in Paradise" quietly while your mom sleeps in the other room? My husband and I feel like we are teenagers.
She spied my hubby's tattoo and questioned me. Only after I was putting a rhinestone star on my back.(More on this later) I'm convinced she thinks I have a tat somewhere.
We get weird looks when we drink beer. At least she doesn't see me doing any shots of whisky. That would not go over very well.
As for PA-the whole state is in a time warp. Some cities are stuck in the 1950's and others are blatantly in the 1880's!

She's tidying up, and I can't find anything...

A week has gone by and I have survived. Let me tell you though, I am not without scars.
1-The prunes I got her, not the right kind.
2-She insists that we use paper plates for everything. EVERYTHING! I hate paper plates. It's wasteful and it is belittling to the food (a sandwich can be special too). I think they are appropriate for eating outdoors, but I guess I'm a snob that way.
3-She's always been a cake person, so I bought some cake mix. No-suddenly she likes pie.
4-I know she thinks I'm a bad mom.
5-I don't know exactly how she does it, but she zaps all creativity out of me. It's her overbearing practicality of things. I love her but jeesh!

It's been that way my whole life. My dad was the renaissance man and my mom, miss practical. She should have won some award. My hubby reminds me of my dad in that way. Both enjoy all the arts, good eating, and well life. My mom is always waiting in the wing for something good, but usually, bad event to happen.

And she has been asking me about some old photos of herself. And yes I do have them, and I'll give them back to her since she wants them. She told me she's been to some funerals and they place photos out of the deceased-a timeline if you will of a person through their life. This woman is going to live to be 100.

Mother do you think she's good enough...

My mom is flying in from Florida tomorrow.

I'm getting a stomach ache as I'm writing this.

What are all the possible things she will find at my house to worry about?

I have a checklist of things to do before she comes.

1-Hide the Buddha statue.
2-Put any offensive magazines away. I don't really think there are any around come to think of it.
3-Mow the yards.
4-Find her "things" When I say things I mean her soap that she uses, toothpaste, hair shampoo. She doesn't like ours so she leaves these items with us. I don't have a problem with this, but I haven't seen this bag since we did our insane ongoing move last year. Atlanta-Orlando-Norwalk-Peekskill. This bag could be ANYWHERE!
5-Mop kitchen and bathroom.
6-Go grocery shopping for things she likes. Prunes, instant coffee, creamer and bran to make muffins. She's 76 and needs these things and I'm compassionate about it. Besides I love the bran muffins too.

This trip has been planned for months and months. She actually had the ticket from last year but all of the hurricanes stopped her.

Now she is coming and it's good. Really. I'm a sort of the fall guy for my family and sacrificing a few weeks of sanity, so my mom doesn't worry about my sister.
By the way-she had a biopsy of her tumor and it is benign. Hooray we all say! Now her and her husband are off to a revivalist healing camp for a week. No comment.

I'll come back with updates. I'm still planning on my rogue mission to deface the Owen poster. I will take pictures after the fact.

I hope you're voting for me...

mr.fantastic
Originally uploaded by paintergirl1.

Does this man look familiar to you?

I think Mr.Fantastic of the Fantastic Four looks an awful lot like Jon Stewart of the Daily Show. Am I right? He even has the gray hair.

This got me thinking, if Mr.Fantastic is Jon Stewart and there is a Jon Stewart for President 2008 campaign(there are t-shirts made-really)-stay with me here-Mr.Fantastic could be our next president.

Think of all the possibilities!

Now I will never be satisfied with any of the candidates. I need my president to have at least ONE superhuman strength.
And trust me, it's not saying nuclear correctly.

it's the end, the end of the century...

I realize now I have a love/hate relationship with Owen Wilson.

Every time I see one of his films, I'm left unsure of my feelings toward this actor.
My husband will say I love him, but this is so far from the truth. Until now...

Owen is responsible for me almost wrecking my car.

I was driving down by Ye old Stop & Shop and right by the bus stop, there was Owen's big crooked nose mug staring at me. I swerved. Was that really Owen?

The first movie I remember seeing him in was "The Haunting". I thought, please dear heaven, never let this man have such close-ups on the big screen again. Then came all of Wes Anderson's movies. Then "Meet the Parents". I will admit I've always kind of liked Luke Wilson, his brother, but Owen?

And this has to sound so strange from a girl that has no accent what so ever (and I loathe southern accents), I love the Wilson brothers Texas accents. I cringe when I hear Dubbya, but man, I would eat a BBQ Buffalo with those two.

Now don't get me started on Vince Vaughn...

I walk with the zombies, part two

So here I am on the train with my toddler going to NYC to see my husband. And it happens. I have a zombie thought. Underneath some highways, I see what would be a perfect place to escape zombies. What is wrong with me?

And once again, I'm trying to see zombie flicks and overcome this fear. We rented "Versus", not knowing it had zombies in it. Now these undead did not bother me as much.

1-They were Japanese
2-No terrible moaning sounds
3-All had guns
4-Were not as bad as the BAD guys

I didn't like this movie because it lacked story content. We decided it was based on a video game for teenage boys.

Another, and I will say, wretched movie we watched, "Anatomy of Hell", and guess what, this was not about zombies. It made me wish I was a zombie by the time this movie was over. No comment really. Unless someone else has seen this and wishes to comment on it.