20 August 2007

Yet my hands are shaking...

The trip to Orlando was not only to see my mom and help her recoup after surgery(didn't happen) but I was going to go through the whole house and get rid of things. She's going to sell the house this time. For real.

Not just my stuff had to be cleared out, my mom's, dad's and my sister's. I don't know how my mom did it over the years. What was her rationale? Why would she say to heck with some things and others she would shove into the closet? She would get rid of my paintings that weren't bothering her, and ditched them. She will be forever mad at me. Other stuff she would keep forever, like why did she keep my stuffed animals from when I was 10??

Hey but I found my dad's ukulele in her closet, just wish I had his dog tags.

Now I also knew this was going to happen. Mentally I was ready. I was strong. My brother-in law called me up and asked if I would like to look through my sister's things to see if there was anything I would like.

OK I said. I knew there were a couple of items I'd love to have. In high school I didn't have a class ring, but I wore my sister's on a chain. All of us girls went to Boone High and I was proud of that. So I really wanted the ring. It was special to me.

I was fine on the drive over to the house, I was even fine going into the house. Nothing had changed and I hadn't been there in awhile. During the funeral everyone came to my mom's-her house was a gathering place.

My brother in law showed me my sister's dresser. As I started to go through the drawers, I lost it. I found her college ids and post office pin collection and I just sat down and cried.

This is what it comes down to...your family going through your dresser deciding what is going to be kept. How very sad. I wish I could take the whole dresser and not change anything. I found her children's baby teeth-cards-address books. Keeping the dresser in tact wouldn't bring my sister back or change our relationship. And yet it's not right that she's gone either.

I don't want to start to cry again, so I'll stop.

Here's the tea party my son and I had for all of the little animals. My mom saved the animals for this moment.


Stepping Over the Junk said...

I love the tea party picture.

My mother used to get rid of things without our knowing (when I was a kid)..one thing she did was throw away my pink blankie (as in THE blankie) when I was in 4th grade. I came home from school and it was gone. My security blanket. Yet, we still have all her antiques she collected. Nothing sentimental, but everything she wanted. I still cringe about it. She still does it.

hollibobolli said...

I am so sorry. I really am. I know my mom and I have talked about this with so many family members - how it eventually comes down to stuff.. but really, it doesn't. Sifting through stuff is only something you have to do for one day. What matters are the things you have stocked away in your heart and your mind.

I'm really sorry about the things that are gone. I know how bad that sucks.. I do. And I wish there was a place we could keep everything the same.

Be okay, Patti. Just be okay.

I'm here if you need anything. Hell - I'll throw Faith in a tutu and bring one for you. We'll hop on a train and come visit.. or something.


paintergirl said...

stepping-the tea party was fun. he feed everyone cheezeits.
Moms moms moms.

holliholli-I'm much better now that I'm not there dwelling about it. Much much better and thanks sweetie!

JC said...

Hope you're feeling better. Going through things like that is never fun. My mom went through my grandmother's things a couple of months ago when they sold her house, and she said that she thought my dad didn't go because he wasn't ready to handle it.

Love the tea party!

Margaret said...

that has to be tough, be of good cheer

Irene said...


reading this post somehow reminds me to not take anything for granted and to always ask my sons before throwing something away.

my mom threw away all my drawings from kindergarten but wouldn't touch the empty toilet paper rolls under my bed. go figure.

that tea party picture made my day.

Vajana said...

When my grandparents died, my mom just went through the house chucking everything. We pled with her not to, but there was no reasoning. Of course now she regrets it, but I was able to keep some things, like my grandpa's fishing hat.

Hopefully the things you've kept will soon give you more bittersweet memories than sadness.

I love tea parties with animal friends too.

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