I'm not a happy camper today. Everything is getting me down. The endless war we are in. The hysteria being made over oil and the price gouging. The state of our economy. You can see it's endless. And where I feel I have done the most harm, I have lied to myself and everyone for so long. I'm living a life that looks perfectly normal, but it is a facade. Being an artist trying to fit into society is hard, being a couple who are both artists is even tougher. Both of us are trying to fit into a world that does not appreciate working erratically. So we give up being really creative and force ourselves to do work that just puts more money in the big consumer's cog. And I can tell you that does not make me feel good.
For so long my husband and I have tried to fit in and be normal because that is what our parents knew and taught us. We have a family now and having a house and having a good job is what it's all about. Right? But we can't do it. It's hard because not only are we artists but we are both very sensitive to our environment and the unhappiness and the unjust in the world. I'm doing production work because it pays bills, but I really hate it. It's mindless and I honestly feel too removed by working on the computer. Am I being a big baby? Yes. But is it a good thing to be miserable because you are living by rules that were made for people to work in factories. Changes have to be made. For my family as well as society.